(There are some SPAG errors, I had a corrected version but I'm too lazy to find it :>

It was approximately 10 in the morning in the lands of (edit, my school), a Catholic Theocracy with a limited form of representative government called “ASB”, which supposedly represents the student “body”, although it is hard to define exactly what part of the body they are; I shall leave that up to your discretion. A mass was in session this day: This is an event whereupon the entire community joins together to worship the Lord. Troublemakers during these events are summarily sent to High Lord and Supreme Executor Dean Holligan, where they are forced into doing manual labor to work off their “detention.” There is no form of lighter punishment then a detention; one could knock someone out with a baseball bat and push them down three flights of stairs and receive the same punishment as a poor fellow who just simply happened to forget to wear the correct type of sweater that day. The evidence of a perfect legal system.

Regardless, it is generally the first time on a Wednesday the group of adventurers whom shall be the subject of this report are able to meet. The members who were there today are listed as follows:

Danny: Generally known as the Italian who sits there and is semi-acknowledged by the rest of the group, always ready to defend his heritage. He is the author of this report.
Randomn Freshman Guy(Chris): Our beloved Freshmen compatriot who has been adopted into the 10nth Grade.

Nick: A suspected vampire who is obsessed with Paprika and annoying Emily to no end. His family’s official seal is the Pansy Flower. I am not kidding.
Emily: Our Arab friend who will occasionally blurt out random things which at the same time make us laugh and fear for her sanity. She is also apparently oblivious to sexual euphemisms, as she saw nothing wrong with the statement “Robbie, I’ll ride you into the sunset.”

Robbie: Our Irish friend. He has a big stick. No, you perverts, that does not mean penis. It means a Lacrosse stick. He also has an extensive knowledge of cars, and could probably hotwire one if he wanted.

Alexander “The Great”: An awesome fellow whom always comes up with some sort of smart idea. He is also purchasing a Musashi Wind Katana, so if you mess with him, you die.

It all began with us taking our seats at the very back bench in the gym. This is for two reasons:

1. You can get out faster.
2. There are always some complete, idiotic, Ethiopian-skinny cheerleaders who take immense pleasure in saying LOL LOL LOL throughout the entire mass and kicking people below them. This is not possible on the furthest bench, why is why I sit there along with the other members in this group.

I was immersed in my own thoughts when Emily suddenly stated that she was addicted to Assassin’s Creed. I find this fitting: She’s both Arab and Orthodox, not to mention the fact she loves killing things in games. What could possibly be a better game for her then the assassination of Crusaders who were attacking the Arabs and whom burnt down Orthodox Churches and Byzantium? No wonder she played it for four entire hours.
Mass generally went along peacefully, and at the end of it we were detained to listen to an advertisement for a play occurring in the lands of Jserra soon. From what I got out of it, it is a satire on fairy tales.

I sat talking to the Random Freshman Guy next to me while watching this “commercial”. It told the story of Rapunzel, who was locked in a tower and had ridiculously long hair. That she made no attempt to hit down the door or attempt to kill herself after all these years locked in her room mourning the fact that no one likes her tells me she is a whiny, poser Emo. This means she must have a myspace somewhere and that finally some random prince thought she was cute enough to look up. Unfortunately, he is also somewhat emo and a bit of an imbecile. But this does prove that myspace does make marriages…for emo people.

Nick made an appearance towards the end of the Mass,albeit it was brief. He disappeared shortly after and did not return for the rest of the day, leading me to assume the sun must have finally turned him to ashes. Rest assured, his brother will most likely find the blood of some hippies to resurrect him, so that won’t really be an issue. He’s turned sixteen now, and is technically supposed to be seducing women in nightdresses in his house(What? Did I just say house? I meant medieval castle: He has TAPESTRIES in his home. Probably priceless. Damn vampires), although he seems to have considerable trouble in that area. Perhaps he is the vampiric equivalent of a retard? Time will tell.

We proceeded to wait for our class, the sophomore class, to be dismissed. However, it appears that our class shrinks when it is time for Juniors to get up. Apparently people finish sophomore year really quickly after Mass. Hmmm. These people were caught today, including this person named Bobert, who is universally agreed to be quite annoying. Unfortunately, Bobert escaped, much to the dismay of our little group. His time for the forced-labor camps of Jserra has not yet come. Rest assured, it will.

We wandered back over to our compound and proceeded to pick up our items from various classrooms. We proceeded to Lunch, where Emily thought it would be prudent to make fun of the poor Pope and Catholicism in general: Unfortunately, her entire audience was Catholic and thus she was not favorably received and was officially “shunned” by Robbie and the rest of the group. She redeemed herself by drawing a happy picture of the Pope and the Patriarch holding hands with a heart above it. In Retrospect, perhaps this is not exactly the clearest form of message of peace between two religions: Two men holding hands connotates other meanings. Alex produced some mutant oranges which frankly made me wonder how he lived. Emily happily ate her quasi-desert shake or something and was generally hyper. Note: Do not give Emily sugar. Under no circumstances. I’m really surprised she has not been called in for a drug test yet.

We proceeded to English, and did some work there. Alex sat becoming a Jedi Master in Star Wars: Jedi Academy, while Emily and I attempted to finish some chosen worksheets. Nothing truly notable occurred there, although Emily was questioning why we were reading so many Jewish books. She also informed me it was illegal to refuse business to Israel. This is actually true. I looked it up. Perhaps the massive Jewish conspiracy proposed by middle-eastern extremists actually has some merit to it.

In religion, I had to fend off Emily’s attempts to disfigure a picture of the Pope which was on a piece of paper. After a hard-fought battle, I managed to save Benedict and hide him away from Emily’s clutches as she had a feral expression and clawed the table saying “Convert”. A girl named Kat in our class said even more racist things about Italians then she already said yesterday: She was horrified to find out that one of her cheerleader friends was, oh my god, Italian. This is ontop of yesterday claiming her Italian neighbors were in the Mafia and that almost every single Italian knows something about the Cosa Nostra. I have one word to say to her: VAFFANCULO! Back to Emily: She proceeded to adopt the “Sleepy Emily” state in which she looks like an extremely sad puppy deprived of its chewtoy: Her chewtoy being sugar. We were then handed thick packets on Israel and all of the events going on there. It was cleary biased: They told ridiculous lies about the Romans and Emily seemed quite a little irritated at how Arabs were portrayed. However, we did find her ideal political party! The Arab Communists! This is based off the fact she stood outside of the Young Republicans Club here and waved a banner saying “COMMUNISM FTW!” for approximately fifteen minutes.

The day ended with Emily and Robbie discussing something, whereupon which Emily remarked “Robbie, I’ll ride you into the sunset.” She said it in that loud voice which tends to carry everywhere:This made several people turn their heads and Robbie and I to both loose a step and then laugh. Emily apparently saw nothing wrong with this at all and continued on her way toward her lockers, where she pondered studying for chemistry. Robbie recoiled in horror and said “CHEMISTRY? NO!”. I then proceeded to lose them as the massive surge of people emigrating from the lands of (my school) swarmed around us.

So, that was pretty much what happened at (undisclosed) today.

P.S.
Real Big Fish do not suck, contrary to what Nick might say. They’re alright according to me. I was listening to them with more-liberal-than-Gandhi Ryan at around 4 PM